St. James Phone Ban

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On March 31st, 2022, Mr. Pennell announced that phones would be completely banned from being brought to school.

Mr. Pennell decided to completely ban phones from school because of complaints from teachers about students using them during class. Additionally, Mr. Pennell said that phones would now be considered contraband.

A student says, “earlier today, Mr. Pennell grabbed a phone out of a student’s hand in the hallway and threw it on the ground, and he smashed it.”

In order to prevent students from bringing their phones to school, walking through the metal detector has become mandatory for all students coming into school in the morning. Teachers would be required to completely empty out a student’s bag in order to find their phone.

An anonymous teacher says, “I am going to have a very large collection of students’ phones; thanks for the free phones!”

Later, Mr. Pennell announced that anyone who managed to smuggle a phone past the metal detector would be hunted down by the drug dogs, which would be renamed the “phone dogs”. He also announced that he would set up a “St. James mine” for students who were found smuggling their phones into school.

Mr. Pennell says, “The St. James mine would make a lot of money for the school. The students working in the mines won’t be paid for their work.”